Why I hate Abercrombie and Fitch, Lululemon, etc. Part 2

When you are fat (whatever fat may be-- it is a moving target) it is easy to feel like you are judged constantly.  By family, by acquaintances, by complete strangers who come up to you for no other reason than to express their judgment. And often by yourself. And there is plenty to reinforce the negative judgment, especially if you are a woman: TV, movies, magazines and shopping for clothes.

Eventually, most of us hit a "screw it, I can't win" point.  And there are a few ways to react.  The first is to give up.  Perhaps sink into depression and slobhood.  Or at least slobhood.  Active avoidance of trying for anything beyond clean and not full of holes.  Sometimes not even that.  Just accepting whatever comes our way that we can squeeze into and calling it good, since nothing is going to make us look any better. Or so we are told, repeatedly.  Often outright,but more frequently implied.  "You would look good, but..."

However, most of us don’t want to look like our picture should be on “people of Walmart.” Many of us, knowing how we are judged, go the opposite direction and get a little obsessed with having a pulled together look. We know that just by being larger we are considered sloppy, unkempt and lazy and want to counteract that as best we can with our wardrobe. Many of us bounce between the two states. And some of us break through to just doing what we can with the bodies we have. But to do anything other than slobhood means finding clothes that fit.

So we go shopping. And sometimes we go into stores that stop well below our size, not knowing in advance what they carry. Some will have our size online, just not in the stores. And should you question that decision, they will tell you that there just is not a market. But you are standing there. And you know that there are a lot more women your size than most of the sizes they have displayed. So that doesn't seem quite right. But they assure you that women your size never buy from them, but the smaller women do, and you can’t help but think “Well, duh. You actually sell their size. What am I supposed to buy from you right now?”

Over and over you run into variations of this. It is almost worse when you find the places that (grudgingly it seems) carry your size. Only ugly things are stocked in your size (because fat makes you colorblind, right?) Often things made of horrible materials. Some salespeople seem a little shocked if you ask for anything nicer, as if surprised you care. Others get a bit snooty, try not to point out that you don't deserve nice things at your weight.

The only places that try for anything more are specialty stores.  And even then results are mixed.  I've been in more than a few that are full of polyester pants suits, stretch velvet dresses and flannel nightgowns.  The other stores happily show off basic clothing options like they are special.  Which they are to you when you can't find them anywhere else.  But smaller folk can find the same just about anywhere, and it is easy to resent all of the effort and time and energy you spend trying to find a nice dress for an event or work appropriate clothes.

Now, of course, we have the internet.  And all of the options that it creates. And all sorts of new problems. In my next post in this series I'll discuss them and why it does not replace having stores carrying what we need.