Monday, August 19, 2013
Cats again. Because this is a happy day.
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Cats: thinking about fat and beauty
We do not care for scrawny cats.
Think about it. While there are artistic renditions of sleek, super slender felines, such images are limited. We prefer to see our cats plump. There is always something disturbing, dangerous, even evil about a thin cat.
Go ahead. Search for images. Simply searching for "cat" will return pages of pleasantly plump felines. You have to hunt for thin cats. Search for "thin cats" and you will pull up more pictures of tights than cats. "Skinny cats" returns more pictures of massively obese cats than anything else. Search "evil cats" and you'll find a mix of cats with Photoshopped laser eyes and (finally!) a handful of cats who are on the bony side.
We do not care for scrawny cats. We love how chunky cats move, how they fill their space. The soft curves. The comforting weight and bulk as we hold them. In cats, we adore the sleek play of muscle, muscle under fat. Cats are a wonderful mascot for the concept of fit and fat.
There are days I look at all of the images of super thin women and see how they are exalted. Thin often seems to be the only thing that matters, aesthetically. It hurts as it is something I can never be. I know my body. I could never be model thin. I have curves. I have bigger bones than some models appear have arms and legs. It can be hard to remember that that is not the only vision of beauty available to modern eyes. It is easy to feel like finding anything other than an appreciation of whipcord thin requires searching through deviants or going back in time.
Thinking on cats provides a balance for me. Helps me remember that we Photoshop fat back onto models because even on them we crave the sleekness provided by fat. That we tend to crave lush curves when we think sexy instead of beauty. It lets me understand how I can be beautiful to the man who loves me, while being MUCH larger than a size 2. It allows me enjoy my body enough to experience it, to move it, to work it instead of treating it as a burden to be ignored as much a possible.
We need a multitude of ideals. A plethora of options and values. It is easy for us to get stuck on an idea that there is only one version of right and good and true and everything else can be judged, valued, by its distance from that ideal. I catch myself falling into that trap at times. Sometimes I question my value as a person, as a member of society, purely because of my weight. I wonder if I can contribute anything, be taken seriously, or if being fat will be used as a reason to dismiss everything I offer. And so I remind myself that we do not care for scrawny cats.
Think about it. While there are artistic renditions of sleek, super slender felines, such images are limited. We prefer to see our cats plump. There is always something disturbing, dangerous, even evil about a thin cat.
Go ahead. Search for images. Simply searching for "cat" will return pages of pleasantly plump felines. You have to hunt for thin cats. Search for "thin cats" and you will pull up more pictures of tights than cats. "Skinny cats" returns more pictures of massively obese cats than anything else. Search "evil cats" and you'll find a mix of cats with Photoshopped laser eyes and (finally!) a handful of cats who are on the bony side.
We do not care for scrawny cats. We love how chunky cats move, how they fill their space. The soft curves. The comforting weight and bulk as we hold them. In cats, we adore the sleek play of muscle, muscle under fat. Cats are a wonderful mascot for the concept of fit and fat.
There are days I look at all of the images of super thin women and see how they are exalted. Thin often seems to be the only thing that matters, aesthetically. It hurts as it is something I can never be. I know my body. I could never be model thin. I have curves. I have bigger bones than some models appear have arms and legs. It can be hard to remember that that is not the only vision of beauty available to modern eyes. It is easy to feel like finding anything other than an appreciation of whipcord thin requires searching through deviants or going back in time.
Thinking on cats provides a balance for me. Helps me remember that we Photoshop fat back onto models because even on them we crave the sleekness provided by fat. That we tend to crave lush curves when we think sexy instead of beauty. It lets me understand how I can be beautiful to the man who loves me, while being MUCH larger than a size 2. It allows me enjoy my body enough to experience it, to move it, to work it instead of treating it as a burden to be ignored as much a possible.
We need a multitude of ideals. A plethora of options and values. It is easy for us to get stuck on an idea that there is only one version of right and good and true and everything else can be judged, valued, by its distance from that ideal. I catch myself falling into that trap at times. Sometimes I question my value as a person, as a member of society, purely because of my weight. I wonder if I can contribute anything, be taken seriously, or if being fat will be used as a reason to dismiss everything I offer. And so I remind myself that we do not care for scrawny cats.
Why I hate Abercrombie and Fitch, Lululemon, etc. Part 2
When you are fat (whatever fat may be-- it is a moving target) it is easy to feel like you are judged constantly. By family, by
acquaintances, by complete strangers who come up to you for no other reason
than to express their judgment. And
often by yourself. And there is plenty
to reinforce the negative judgment, especially if you are a woman: TV, movies, magazines and shopping for
clothes.
Eventually, most of us hit a "screw it, I can't win" point. And there are a few ways to react. The first is to give up. Perhaps sink into depression and slobhood. Or at least slobhood. Active avoidance of trying for anything beyond clean and not full of holes. Sometimes not even that. Just accepting whatever comes our way that we can squeeze into and calling it good, since nothing is going to make us look any better. Or so we are told, repeatedly. Often outright,but more frequently implied. "You would look good, but..."
However, most of us don’t want to look like our picture should be on “people of Walmart.” Many of us, knowing how we are judged, go the opposite direction and get a little obsessed with having a pulled together look. We know that just by being larger we are considered sloppy, unkempt and lazy and want to counteract that as best we can with our wardrobe. Many of us bounce between the two states. And some of us break through to just doing what we can with the bodies we have. But to do anything other than slobhood means finding clothes that fit.
Eventually, most of us hit a "screw it, I can't win" point. And there are a few ways to react. The first is to give up. Perhaps sink into depression and slobhood. Or at least slobhood. Active avoidance of trying for anything beyond clean and not full of holes. Sometimes not even that. Just accepting whatever comes our way that we can squeeze into and calling it good, since nothing is going to make us look any better. Or so we are told, repeatedly. Often outright,but more frequently implied. "You would look good, but..."
However, most of us don’t want to look like our picture should be on “people of Walmart.” Many of us, knowing how we are judged, go the opposite direction and get a little obsessed with having a pulled together look. We know that just by being larger we are considered sloppy, unkempt and lazy and want to counteract that as best we can with our wardrobe. Many of us bounce between the two states. And some of us break through to just doing what we can with the bodies we have. But to do anything other than slobhood means finding clothes that fit.
So we go shopping. And sometimes we go into stores that stop well below our size, not knowing in
advance what they carry. Some will have
our size online, just not in the stores. And should you question that decision, they will tell you that there
just is not a market. But you are
standing there. And you know that there
are a lot more women your size than most of the sizes they have displayed. So that doesn't seem quite right. But they assure you that women your size
never buy from them, but the smaller women do, and you can’t help but think
“Well, duh. You actually sell their
size. What am I supposed to buy from you
right now?”
Over and over you run into variations of this. It is almost worse when you find the places that (grudgingly it seems) carry your size. Only ugly things are stocked in your size (because fat makes you colorblind, right?) Often things made of horrible materials. Some salespeople seem a little shocked if you ask for anything nicer, as if surprised you care. Others get a bit snooty, try not to point out that you don't deserve nice things at your weight.
The only places that try for anything more are specialty stores. And even then results are mixed. I've been in more than a few that are full of polyester pants suits, stretch velvet dresses and flannel nightgowns. The other stores happily show off basic clothing options like they are special. Which they are to you when you can't find them anywhere else. But smaller folk can find the same just about anywhere, and it is easy to resent all of the effort and time and energy you spend trying to find a nice dress for an event or work appropriate clothes.
Now, of course, we have the internet. And all of the options that it creates. And all sorts of new problems. In my next post in this series I'll discuss them and why it does not replace having stores carrying what we need.
Over and over you run into variations of this. It is almost worse when you find the places that (grudgingly it seems) carry your size. Only ugly things are stocked in your size (because fat makes you colorblind, right?) Often things made of horrible materials. Some salespeople seem a little shocked if you ask for anything nicer, as if surprised you care. Others get a bit snooty, try not to point out that you don't deserve nice things at your weight.
The only places that try for anything more are specialty stores. And even then results are mixed. I've been in more than a few that are full of polyester pants suits, stretch velvet dresses and flannel nightgowns. The other stores happily show off basic clothing options like they are special. Which they are to you when you can't find them anywhere else. But smaller folk can find the same just about anywhere, and it is easy to resent all of the effort and time and energy you spend trying to find a nice dress for an event or work appropriate clothes.
Now, of course, we have the internet. And all of the options that it creates. And all sorts of new problems. In my next post in this series I'll discuss them and why it does not replace having stores carrying what we need.
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Why I hate Abercrombie and Fitch, Lululemon, etc. Part 1.
Lately there has been a fair amount in the news regarding the policy of stores such as Abercrombie and Fitch and Lululemon to not carry larger sizes.
I made the mistake of reading the commentary. As many of you probably know, it was full of a good number of people whose commentary boiled down to "Eww, fat people, yucky. They should have to wear burlap bags until they lose enough weight that I find them attractive. Lose some weight, fatty fat fats." There were a goodly number of people who were more open to the idea of sharing space with persons of a BMI higher than "severely underweight". Some were even accepting of "normal" and "overweight" ranges. But many of these people could not understand why, to many plus-size wearing individuals, policies like these are so maddening.
The confusion is understandable. No one can be everything for everyone. We do not ask stores specializing in women's apparel to carry a men's line or vice versa. We do not ask athletic brands to carry formal wear. On the face of it, it is very reasonable that a store might focus on a niche market of sizes 00-10. Or maybe 12. Even if it is arguably a bad business decision.
Over the next few posts, I'll explore why it is not that simple. In the end, it still may not be reasonable to expect stores to serve a wider segment of the population. But I hope the frustration and anger in response to the decision not to is more understandable. As there is a lot to say, I'm splitting it into a few bite-sized chunks rather than one thesis-like entry. Let me know what you think of this approach--would you prefer larger posts? Because the odds are good that I'll have this problem a lot.
I made the mistake of reading the commentary. As many of you probably know, it was full of a good number of people whose commentary boiled down to "Eww, fat people, yucky. They should have to wear burlap bags until they lose enough weight that I find them attractive. Lose some weight, fatty fat fats." There were a goodly number of people who were more open to the idea of sharing space with persons of a BMI higher than "severely underweight". Some were even accepting of "normal" and "overweight" ranges. But many of these people could not understand why, to many plus-size wearing individuals, policies like these are so maddening.
The confusion is understandable. No one can be everything for everyone. We do not ask stores specializing in women's apparel to carry a men's line or vice versa. We do not ask athletic brands to carry formal wear. On the face of it, it is very reasonable that a store might focus on a niche market of sizes 00-10. Or maybe 12. Even if it is arguably a bad business decision.
Over the next few posts, I'll explore why it is not that simple. In the end, it still may not be reasonable to expect stores to serve a wider segment of the population. But I hope the frustration and anger in response to the decision not to is more understandable. As there is a lot to say, I'm splitting it into a few bite-sized chunks rather than one thesis-like entry. Let me know what you think of this approach--would you prefer larger posts? Because the odds are good that I'll have this problem a lot.
Welcome
Welcome to Big Girl Pants.
This is all new to me, so I hope you'll excuse the mess and chaos while I play with different features and learn how to blog. It will probably take a while to get the right fit.
My intention for this blog is to focus on my thoughts about being fat, female and in my thirties. We'll see how that works. I'm kind of opinionated. Scratch that. I'm very opinionated. So I'm pretty sure we'll have a few major tangents.
This is all new to me, so I hope you'll excuse the mess and chaos while I play with different features and learn how to blog. It will probably take a while to get the right fit.
My intention for this blog is to focus on my thoughts about being fat, female and in my thirties. We'll see how that works. I'm kind of opinionated. Scratch that. I'm very opinionated. So I'm pretty sure we'll have a few major tangents.
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